Chris Thompson
Deadspin
Virginia, United States
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Past articles by Chris:
Hoo Boy, Kyrie Irving Put On A Show In His Nets Debut
It’s going to be a season of transition in Brooklyn, while the Nets wait for Kevin Durant’s shredded Achilles tendon to heal and for all their big free-agency wheeling and dealing to finally come together. For now, Nets fans will still enjoy the nightly thrill of watching one of the sport’s most entertaining pure scorers eat up just as much of their team’s offense as he wants. Wednesday night,… → Read More
MLB Umpire Rob Drake Is Prepared To Shoot People In Defense Of Donald Trump
Major League umpire and apparent MAGA fiend Rob Drake posted and deleted a tweet late Tuesday indicating that he would be purchasing an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle on Wednesday in order to wage “CIVAL WAR” should Congress impeach peabrain president Donald Trump. Going to go out on a limb here and assume that “CIVAL” means “civil,” and that Rob Drake is fantasizing about shooting the libs. → Read More
Brandon Graham Shows His Enemy's Face To His Mother, Who Surely Shall Taste Sweet Vengeance
Eagles defensive end Brandon Graham made one of the more impressive, albeit statistically unrecognized, plays to thwart the first of Green Bay’s two important fourth-quarter red-zone drives Thursday night. On second-and-goal from the one-yard line, Graham sniffed out a play-action bootleg play, cut off Aaron Rodgers behind the line, and pressured Rodgers into throwing the ball away. The Packers… → Read More
The Packers' Goal-To-Go Offense Was Too Cute To Work
Packers fans will be specifically frustrated by two themes from Thursday night’s narrow home loss to the Eagles: confusion over the pass interference review process, and Green Bay’s failure to convert on two late drives deep in the red zone, in a seven-point game. No one seems to know what the hell’s going on with pass interference reviews, and anyway it’s mostly beyond the control of players… → Read More
Red Sox And Rangers Cast Aside All Dignity In Battle Over Individual Statistical Milestone
Attention, sports purists! This blog contains details of two major league teams turning the late innings of a late-season baseball game into a deeply silly battle-of-wills over one guy’s pursuit of a statistical milestone. If reading about professional baseball players briefly abandoning altogether the single-minded drive for a meaningless September win will cause you to involuntarily load up… → Read More
Athlete Yearns For Return To Warm, Encouraging Embrace Of Philadelphia Sports Fans
In a sign that the universe still has a couple utterly unprecedented tricks hidden up its sleeves, an athlete announced Wednesday that he is eager to be back among Philadelphia sports fans because of how appreciative and encouraging they are, as a group, relative to another set of sports fans. → Read More
Columbia University Wipes Out Its Delightfully Chaotic Marching Band For Bullcrap Reasons
Sad, dispiriting news from the world of college marching bands: Columbia University effectively disbanded its wonderfully anarchic and mischievous marching band Wednesday, after years and years spent actively antagonizing the group and suppressing its creativity. The university communicated to the scramble band’s leadership board that due to flimsy bureaucratic mumbo-jumbo, the band and its… → Read More
Even In Defeat, Bryce Harper Owns The Hell Out Of Hunter Strickland
A funny moment occurred in the seventh inning of Tuesday night’s game between the Washington Nationals and the Philadelphia Phillies. Bryce Harper, pinch-hitting in the night game after starting the first leg of today’s doubleheader, came to the plate to face Nationals reliever and personal nemesis Hunter Strickland. In an awkward reversal, this put the home crowd in the position of booing… → Read More
The NBA's Traveling Rule Tweak Doesn't Fix Its Real Traveling Problem
The NBA Board of Governors tweaked the rule book last week in order to, among other things, “help eliminate the gap between the rule as written and how it has been applied in NBA games,” according to a summary distributed by the league. The tweak defines the concept of the gather, which is a basketball term that refers to a player picking up their dribble or taking control of the ball from a… → Read More
Of Course The Skins Misspelled London Fletcher's Name During His Ring Of Honor Ceremony
Dan Snyder’s football clown show spent halftime of their Monday night meltdown loss inducting retired linebacker London Fletcher into the Ring of Honor of their miserable, far-flung hell-hole of a stadium. Fletcher spent less than half of his career in Washington and won zero playoff games, but whatever, this moribund franchise needs something to celebrate, even if the attendees scattered around… → Read More
Scott Boras Is Big Mad About Wet Bags
The Cubs were all but eliminated from playoff contention over the weekend, thanks to a four-game home series sweep at the hands of the dreaded Cardinals. To add, uhh, injury to injury, third baseman Kris Bryant nuked his ankle Sunday and stands a good chance of missing all of Chicago’s remaining six regular season games. Bryant’s ankle turned sickeningly on the bag at first as he extended in an… → Read More
You Will Never Unsee Morgan Moses's Hasty Right Leg
I do not advise tuning in for the Monday night matchup between Washington and the Bears for any reason. Those deranged enough to watch this horror show have seen the Bears pound the bejeezus out of the home team in every phase, starting with a first-quarter pick-six to open the scoring. The especially diseased among us, paying close attention to the action, will have noticed Washington’s right… → Read More
Gregg Williams Gradually Turns Into Giant Pile Of Salt When Asked About Odell Beckham Jr.
Former bounty program architect and general sourpuss Gregg Williams was asked Friday about recent comments from Browns receiver Odell Beckham Jr., accusing Williams of instructing his players to hurt Beckham during a game in 2017, when Beckham was with the Giants and Williams was with the Browns. Williams denied the accusation, but couldn’t resist taking multiple digs at Beckham. → Read More
Just Tim Tebow Hootin' And Hollerin' About "Selfish Culture" On First Take
Future Mets All-Star Tim Tebow was on First Take Friday morning to talk with Stephen A. Smith and Max Kellerman about California’s legislative push to allow college athletes to profit from endorsements. That’s really as much information as you need to know that this was a brutally unpleasant few minutes of television, and that you would be better off not watching it. → Read More
Interminable Mike Pereira Rules Monologue Interrupted Several Times By Ghastly Football
The NFL’s got to clean this crap up. The Thursday night game between the Panthers and Buccaneers was already a hellish, dismal slog, featuring punchless, amateurish offense run by a pair of deeply disinterested quarterbacks. Then the fourth quarter rolled around, and what might’ve otherwise been at least a tense finish in a one-score game turned into an extended and brutally dry exploration of… → Read More
Someone Wanted A Johnny Manziel Jersey Bad Enough To Steal One From A Museum
The Texas A&M campus police asked for help Thursday afternoon identifying a “person of interest” in the theft of the uniform of NFL bust and CFL flameout Johnny Manziel, last seen having a cup of coffee with the now defunct Alliance of American Football. The uniform was reportedly stolen from A&M’s Hall of Champions, a huge museum at Kyle Field that “celebrates the iconic football stadium and… → Read More
Dwight Howard Has A Purple Car For The Most Dwight Howard Of Reasons
There are plenty of perfectly good reasons to enjoy the color purple. Among them, I look quite fetching in purple shirts, which is no small matter. It’s a lovely color. If I tell you that Dwight Howard enjoys the color purple, right away you are going to assume that it’s for a dumb and bad reason. Which might seem unfair, but he did this to himself! And anyway you’re right! His reason is… → Read More
Report: Triple Crown Winner Justify Failed Drug Test Ahead Of Kentucky Derby
Explosive news out of the world of horse racing today: Justify, the colt that ruined the mystique of one of sports’ all-time legendary feats last summer, reportedly tested positive for a performance enhancing substance in the weeks ahead of the Kentucky Derby. Under the rules in place at the time, Justify normally would’ve been disqualified from that race, and therefore ineligible for the Triple… → Read More
New Orleans Radio Station Posts, Deletes Tweet Calling Its Own Sports Talk Host "A Fag"
Seth Dunlap is the host of weeknight sports show The Last Lap With Seth Dunlap on talk radio station WWL-AM, the radio home of the LSU Tigers and the New Orleans Saints. Last week, he wrote an open Facebook letter to Saints QB Drew Brees, discussing Brees’s video for Focus on the Family and subsequent public statements. Dunlap, who is gay, explains that partnerships between Brees and gay… → Read More
Christian Yelich Fractures Knee Cap With Foul Ball, Is Done For The Season
Well, this blows. The Milwaukee Brewers are very much in the hunt for the second National League Wild Card spot, trailing the Cubs by just a game and a half. But their pursuit from this point on will no longer include the services of reigning NL MVP Christian Yelich, who has been ruled out for the remainder of the season with a fractured right kneecap. → Read More