J. F. Sargent
Cracked.com
Los Angeles, CA, United States
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Past articles by J.:
4 Huge Roles Actors Declined (And What They Chose Instead)
You can try to learn from your mistakes so you don't make them again ... or spend millions of dollars on a vanity project to 'correct' things. → Read More
How To Save The Jurassic Park Franchise
Jurassic World got a failing grade, both as an entry in the franchise and as a movie in general. But don’t worry! we have the plot fix that can redeem this film, and it has nothing to do with being a Velociraptor Whisperer. → Read More
Why Thanos Might Just Defeat Himself In Avengers 3
It just goes to show you, you can have the power to manipulate matter and destroy galaxies on a whim, but if you lack confidence in yourself, you're still going to lose. → Read More
How Captain Marvel Junior Has The Worst Weakness
If you've never heard of Captain Marvel, Jr. it's for good reason. If he ever makes it into a movie or TV show, he's going to be the most awkward guy at parties and on first dates. → Read More
Why Thor Is The Least Effective Avenger
Thor is probably the strongest superhero of all time, all thanks to his incredibly phallic hammer. Weirdly enough, he has the dumbest weakness of all time, also related to his incredibly phallic hammer. → Read More
If Cell Phone Commercials Were Honest
Now that our lives are pretty much inseparable from our smart devices, it would only be the honest and responsible thing for Apple to do to jack up the price on their super fragile phones. → Read More
Everything You Know About Meth Addiction Is Wrong
If 'Breaking Bad' has you convinced how awesome meth can be, put down the straight razor, take of your bowler hat, and watch this to learn what the reality of living that meth life is actually like. → Read More
4 Modern Movies That Were So Good ... Until These Scenes
But the scene where Kurt Russell recites the lyrics to "Brandy" on screen was garbage. The role the scene plays in the movie is pretty straight forward. Russell plays Ego, a living planet and "god with a lower-case 'g'" that is also Peter Quill's father, okay, maybe it's not super straightforward. He's explaining that he thinks of Quill's mother as being like the Brandy in the song. This is… → Read More
Why 9/11 Changed Superhero Movies Forever
The tragic events of 9/11 happened over 15 years ago, but that doesn't stop superhero movies, like Iron Man and The Dark Knight from recreating this national tragedy by destroying cities over and over and over and over again. → Read More
Scenes So Good They Make A Terrible Movie Worth Watching
There's no denying 'Reign of Fire' is a supremely dumb movie, but no where else will you see Batman fight King Leonidas in a reenactment of the lightsaber duel from 'Empire Strikes Back.' → Read More
How The Civil Rights Movement Branded Resistance
Ever heard of Elizabeth Jennings Graham? Sadly, probably not, even though she was doing that whole 'civil rights' and 'getting thrown of public transportation' thing before MLK, Jr. was even in a glimmer in his father's eye. → Read More
Why Disney’s Aladdin Is A Piece of Crap
Aladdin pretty much spells it out in song and dance what a shady dude he actually is. But, hey, he has a goofy monkey sidekick, so just forget about all that nonsense. → Read More
5 (Statistically BS) Complaints About Social Justice Issues
On behalf of adults with jobs everywhere, it'd be really great if people stopped being so sensitive. → Read More
4 Things Everyone Gets Wrong About Free Speech and College
Articles about how modern college kids hate the first amendment have become more prevalent than STDs at a frat house. → Read More
5 Video Game Ratings That Would Be More Accurate
Who cares about violence and sex? We need ratings that'll help us determine if we'll regret making a purchase. → Read More
6 Reasons 'Jurassic World' Brutally Killed Its Biggest Hero
Enough time has passed for us, as a nation, to finally have a serious conversation about Jurassic World. → Read More
4 Horror Movie Mashups That Would Creep You Out Big Time
Most movie mashups suck. That's why I humbly submit that I'm the only asshole in the world who's enough of a jerk to say that we should make these films. → Read More
4 Entertaining Ways To Torture The AI In Metal Gear Solid
This game involves more wonderfully ridiculous bullshit than you can shake a stick at. And I'm really good at shaking sticks. → Read More
6 Prestigious Awards That Aren't As Impressive As You Think
It turns out many of the most prestigious awards are a bunch of bunk. → Read More
15 Movie Romances That Are Actually Creepy As Hell
The romantic tumult that movie characters go through can sometimes be pretty laughable. Most times, actually. → Read More