Tim Ferguson
The New Daily
Sydney, NSW, Australia
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Past articles by Tim:
Down the memory hole you go, George Orwell
The classic political novel 1984 will be rewritten by Inclusion And Diversity specialists who think they know better than George Orwell. → Read More
The Ferguson Report: Aliens attack US after balloon massacre
Three more unidentified objects have been shot down by United States fighter jets, sparking interplanetary war. → Read More
Tim Ferguson: Morrison gets through 'not-sorry' without smirking
Tim Ferguson breaks down this week's news, starting with Scott Morrison's not-sorry speech to the Australian parliament. → Read More
The Ferguson Report: ScoMo walks away Scott-Morrision-free
Tim Ferguson breaks down this week's news – including the multiple ministries of Scott Morrison. → Read More
The Ferguson Report: Oil Industry Surrenders
The world's largest oil corporations have shut down due to a National Art Gallery protest described as "very, very Canberra". → Read More
Ferguson Report: Dr Who future, farts, feminism for white women
Tim Ferguson explains this week's headlines – including a silent but deadly response to a government gas announcement. → Read More
Tim Ferguson: Reserve Bank claims banking is ‘perfectly normal’
After the sixth rate rise, a reserved banker said, "We have to stop meetings like this." Here are Ferguson’s takes on the week’s headlines. → Read More
The Ferguson Report: Peter Dutton wants us all to 'stop doing that'
As his first oppositional act, Opposition Leader Peter Dutton opposed the Jobs and Skills Summit, saying it should stop ... then slowly reverse. → Read More
Tim Ferguson: Harry and Meghan call conference to announce low profile
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have begged for privacy using a Netflix series and skywriting plane to highlight their plea. → Read More
The Ferguson Report: Dutton to see here, just the Opposition leader
Dutton to worry about: The Labor Party has admitted it is not acceptable to mock an individual for their demeanour of gloomy and fearsome dread. → Read More
The Ferguson Report: What to give a billionaire who has everything
The election race is on. The members of the new parliament will mostly be on the crossbench. The rest will be on the extremely crossbench. → Read More
The Ferguson Report: Albanese's small target theory results in invisibility
Albanese was one of Labor’s faceless men – now he’s ditched the rest of his body. All the fake news that's fit to print, from Tim Ferguson. → Read More
The Ferguson Report: Two-word slogans? It's better for the economy
Morrison praised the "forgotten voices" of "silent Australians" without suggesting the voices would be less forgotten if they weren't so silent. → Read More
Of course our big cheese PM has trouble with RATs
Instead, the Prime Minister has invented RATkeeper. He will hand over the money as soon as he gets a big order from Harvey Norman. → Read More
The Ferguson Report: The year of disposing of personal responsibility
It's already been a big year in fake news, but wait ... there's more. Plus the 20 most popular headlines of the year that was 2021. → Read More
The Ferguson Report: Christensen protests until he’s blue in the face
Josh Frydenboiled will implement a “comprehensive payments and crypto-asset reform plan" called The Emperor's New Cluster, and other fake news this week. → Read More
The Ferguson Report: News Corp's crazy claim global warming is a thing!
Readers are in shock after News Corp newspapers suddenly claimed the globe is warming due to – wait for it – human activity. → Read More
Turnbull's torment: He hates Liberals more than necessary
Meanwhile, Scott Morrison has been having secret talks with Russian climate changelings. Both countries have agreed on a policy of Nyet zero emissions. → Read More
Demanding free dumb, as soon as we get over this strange cough
Melbourne protesters had planned to boost numbers by using their singles bubble to bring along their nominated friends. But they don’t have any. → Read More
The Ferguson Report: Keeping our allies on the other side of the planet
Australia will also purchase Tomahawk Cruise Missiles. Correction – Tom Cruise Missiles. Correction – a team of Top Guns. Correction – Pop Guns. → Read More