Allan Ishac
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Past articles by Allan:
“Off With Its Head!”—Trump Denies Pardon To Thanksgiving Day Turkey
Donald Trump refused to pardon the national Thanksgiving Day turkey on Monday, instead demanding that it be slaughtered and gobbled up during his family feast. “Off with its head! Kill it!” the… → Read More
“Nobody Can Believe Our Morbidity Rates—Way Bigger Than Bush’s On 9/11
Donald Trump bragged to GOP donors on a Thursday phone call that “we’re getting record-setting numbers with these Covid deaths and topping all the charts worldwide.” Trying to allay fears among his… → Read More
U.S. Schools To Remove “Anyone Can Become President” From List Of Motivational Messages For Students
American Federation Of Teachers says inspirational adage “was never meant to be taken so literally by certain pupils” → Read More
Timeline Of Covid’s Swan Dive Into Donald Trump’s Lungs During The Infamous Rose Garden Event
Covid-19 was an uninvited guest at the White House Rose Garden event on Sept. 26 to introduce Judge Amy Coney Barrett and, according to dozens of subsequent coronavirus tests, it had a great time… → Read More
Trump Signs Deal With Fox For New Reality-TV Series, ‘Stand Back And Stand By’
Capitalizing on a catchphrase he coined in the Tuesday night presidential debate, Donald Trump penned a deal with Fox on Wednesday afternoon for a fall 2020, reality-tv drama titled Stand Back And… → Read More
After Learning He Paid $750 In Taxes Over 15 Years, Trump Demands IRS Refund
After a New York Times report revealed that the self-proclaimed billionaire Donald Trump paid only $750 in taxes twice in the past 15 years, the president demanded that the IRS return the money. “How… → Read More
Trump Now Blames ‘Mr. Zip’ For Mail-In Ballot Confusion— ‘This Guy’s A Loser And Has To Be Fired’
President Trump on Friday, taking heat for his continued efforts to delegitimize mail-in voting, attempted to pin blame for the controversy on ‘Mr. Zip,” a cartoon mascot for the postal code system… → Read More
Democrats To Send Cuomo In For Schumer After NY Senator Repeatedly Fumbles Political Football
Weak performance of the Blue Team captain, along with his chronic inability to score points against Repugnicans, prompts late substitution → Read More
Canadian Woman Who Mailed Deadly Ricin To Trump Is Nominated For Nobel Peace Prize
The deranged Quebecoise woman accused of mailing a letter to Donald Trump containing the deadly poison ricin has been nominated for The Nobel Peace Prize. The Nobel Committee called Pascale Ferrier’s… → Read More
8 ‘Other’ Surefire Ways For Biden To Get Under Trump’s Skin, According To Niece Mary Trump
Appearing on MSNBC on Thursday, Mary Trump suggested that Joe Biden only use “Donald” to address her uncle when they meet for the first debate on September 29th, as a sign of disrespect. Mary Trump… → Read More
Attacking Wrong Portland, Trump Tweets, ‘All Those Lobstermen Should Be LOCKED UP!’
President Trump turned to Twitter on Sunday to attack protesters in Portland for the escalating street violence there. While the unrest over the weekend between right-wing Trump supporters and Black… → Read More
RNC Preview, Night 2: Trump To Name New ‘Shithole Countries’ He Plans To Target In Second Term
President Donald Trump plans to alienate more of the world during the second night of the Republican National Convention on Tuesday. According to the RNC agenda shared with the media, when he takes… → Read More
“I Don’t Know Her, I Certainly Never Met Her Before,” President Says Of Niece, Mary Trump
Uncle Don denies knowing his brother’s daughter as her scathing tell-all book reveals him to be “clearly racist” and anti-Semite → Read More
CDC Adds “Extreme Despotic Impulses” To Updated List Of Possible Coronavirus Symptoms
Health agency says some people are also experiencing “acute coronation fantasies” related to COVID-19 → Read More
Biden Reportedly Working On Viral Dance Moves After TikTok Teens Successfully Sink Trump Rally
Days after TikTok teens and K-Pop stans pranked, then sank Donald Trump’s Tulsa rally by registering no-show tickets and falsely jacking up crowd expectations, Joe Biden is reportedly practicing his… → Read More
Frogs, Locusts, Other Plagues Feel Overlooked In Worldwide Disaster Coverage
With coronavirus dominating the news, the ten more famous plagues say that they are being unfairly ignored…and they want to set the record straight: Frogs: “Slimy, slippery, wet, and sticky — we… → Read More
7 Useful Things Men Can Do With Their Raggedy-Ass Beards Once The Virus Lockdown Is Over
Millions of men across America have been growing beards while locked down at home. But even if your beard experiment was a flop (and most are), don’t waste that scruff, make it matter! Here are seven… → Read More
“You Have Beautiful Eyes” Leaps To #1 On List Of Best Pick-Up Lines
One of the most telling examples is a new list of top pick-up lines, with “You Have Beautiful Eyes” leaping to the #1 position in an April poll conducted by online dating site Bumble. “With little… → Read More
Coronavirus-Related Cannibalism On The Rise As People Start Eating Most Annoying Family Members
As tensions rise in locked down families across America, law enforcement agencies are reporting an alarming rise in the rate of cannibalism. “Family members who were just annoying before have now… → Read More
“Thanks To Coronavirus, I Haven’t Touched My Face Since January
Women worldwide are discovering that keeping their hands off their faces is the one skincare regimen they’ve never tried… and it works! “I’ve been applying base layer, expensive fillers and brand… → Read More