Dan Kozuh
The Hard Times
Atlanta, GA, United States
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Past articles by Dan:
House Full of Unemployed Artists Calling Self a Collective Now
NEW YORK — Twelve so-called artists living in a dilapidated former textile factory are now referring to themselves as The Stuffed Crocodile Collective even though… → Read More
Metalhead Forgets to Ask For Anything in Return When Making Deal With the Devil
Local metalhead Perry Tate came across Satan himself at the crossroads and instantly sold his soul to the Prince of Darkness without ever asking for something in exchange. → Read More
Nu Metal Fan Proudly Showing Friends Every Time He Can Be Seen In Woodstock ‘99 Documentary
Local Nu Metal enthusiast Clark Cannon is forcing anyone in his life with a Netflix account to pull up the documentary “Trainwreck: Woodstock '99” so he can point out every instance he can be spotted amid the chaos and violence. → Read More
5 Dangerous New Drugs Teens Are Using or Maybe My Nephew Was Just Messing With Me
It seems like every other day a news report comes about concerning a new type of upper, downer, psychedelic, or inhalant that is ripping its way through our school system. Like the Satanic Panic of the 90s, many of these reports are filled with scare tactics and dubious reporting. But there still are new drugs being used by our children and I decided that it would only be prudent to actually go… → Read More
Call Me Old but Music Was Better Before Anxiety and Depression Ruled My Life
I never thought I would find myself in a place complaining about the “music these kids listen to,” but it seems the older I get, the worse music becomes. I do my best to stay on top of current releases and emerging artists but, call me a curmudgeon, I just think music was better back before the crippling weight of existential dread smothered any flame of passion within me. → Read More
Aging Punk Uses Model Glue for Its Intended Purpose
Thirty-five year old punk Freddie Snyder discovered that the Devcon Duco Plastic and Model Cement he’s been huffing on-and-off for almost twenty years can also be used to assemble model figurines. → Read More
How To Increase Your Podcast Listenership by Already Being Famous
It seems like everyone has a podcast nowadays and finding a way to rise above all the noise to actually garner more listeners than just your family - who are only pretending that they listen - is a business unto itself. But we here at the Hard Times have a sure-fire pod-hack to ensure you have thousands of listeners. → Read More
“We Are Co-Headlining,” Claims Opener
Touring punk band Crazy Cool Maggie told several sources that they are technically co-headlining with more well-known group S.O.A.P., despite the fact that they are clearly just the opening act, concert attendees report. → Read More
Old Spotify Playlist Reminds Man of Embarrassing Music Phase He Went Through Three Weeks Ago
Local music enthusiast Derek Barnett was struck with embarrassment after stumbling across a Spotify playlist he created only twenty-one days earlier. → Read More
How NCIS Helped My Parents Accept My Goth Lifestyle
To say my adolescent years were tumultuous and rife with conflict would be an understatement. It's not easy being a goth growing up in the suburbs of Tulsa, Oklahoma. Not only was I an outcast at school with my leather dog collar and pleather JNCOs, I found no solace in my own home. → Read More
Punk Only Keeping Office Job for Access to Copy Machine Hits 15-Year Anniversary
Local punk and administrative assistant Ross Taylor celebrated fifteen years at a job that he claims he only really keeps because of the easy access to a Xerox machine and free office supplies. → Read More
Aging Punk Checks Venue Schematic for Any Possible Seating Options Before Buying Tickets
Thirty-four-year-old music enthusiast Dave Kelly went to exhaustive efforts to determine if his local music venue The Pit Stop offered any form of seating before deciding if he was going to a show there later this week. → Read More
Punks Honor Anniversary of Friend’s Passing By Doing Everything That Killed Him
Friends of departed punk Malcom Kelly paid tribute to him on the one-year anniversary of this death by doing everything that led to his unnecessary and avoidable passing. → Read More
We Ranked All 10 Members Of The Ramones
The Ramones were a seminal American punk band that lasted over 20 years with an ever rotating cast of members, some lineups being better than others. → Read More
BREAKING: Thing Would Make Great Bong
According to reports coming out of the Shamrock Shopping Center Goodwill store, local marijuana enthusiast Travis Cross has reportedly found a thing that would make a great bong. → Read More
Man Who Says He Was Born in the Wrong Decade Would Have Also Been a Loser in the 70s
Local twenty-something Jeremy Harris was overheard repeating the common trope that he was ‘born in the wrong decade’ without realizing he would have been maligned in the 70s as well. → Read More
Former High School Football Star Instinctively Returns to Hometown to Breed
Jaime Garner made the long and treacherous journey back to his hometown mere days after graduating from Fairview University in an effort to find a mate and procreate. → Read More
Depressed Man Instructs Olive Garden Server to Just Leave the Cheese Grater
Harold Roy told the server at the Metcalf South Mall Olive Garden location to just leave the grater of complementary parmesan cheese while struggling with seasonal depression. → Read More
Co-Workers Who Haven’t Seen One Another in Two Years Get Caught up in Under Thirty Seconds
Two cubicle neighbors who haven’t seen one another in over twenty-four months are basically caught up on one another's lives in under a minute after returning to the office. → Read More
Negotiations Between Panhandler and Driver Pretending to Look at Phone Reach Stalemate
Local panhandler Bobby Moore’s attempt to garner spare change from Tesla driver Jermaine Hoffman has come to a standstill while waiting for a traffic light to turn green. → Read More