Collin Canning
The Hard Times
Gainesville, TX, United States
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Past articles by Collin:
Venue Installs Fake Amp Heads for Drunk Guys in Crowd to Tweak
Local DIY venue Zamboni’s recently installed a state-of-the-art false amp head that allows drunk patrons to incessantly tweak the sound knobs without interfering with the actual audio coming from the speakers. → Read More
Everyone in Punk House Assumes Ghost is Someone’s Friend
A centuries-old apparition roaming the innards of an 1800’s New England heritage property “must be someone else’s friend.” → Read More
Tiny Free Library Bans Tiny Man for Masturbating to Tiny Porn
A tiny, free public library at the foot of a residential driveway was forced to ban an extremely small man who was caught masturbating to itty-bitty pornography on the premises. → Read More
Opinion: All These Tables Need to Move Against That Wall
The world is changing and the local music scene is no different. People are bringing politics into everything, every band has opinions they’re cramming down… → Read More
Man Has Spine Removed To Bend Over Backward Defending Marilyn Manson
Part-time barista and avid Marilyn Manson fan, Scuff Leeway underwent spine removal surgery in an effort to reach batshit arguments in defense of the aging shock rocker. → Read More
We Rank the Top 8 Metallica Songs My Wife Is Mad I Got the Wedding Band to Play
Anyone who’s ever been to a wedding can tell you the music is the main attraction. That’s why I poured a significant amount of research into finding the perfect list of Metallica songs that pissed off my wife on my big day. Oh sorry, I mean, our big day. Sure. Fixxxer – An essential Metallica tune to pay the band extra to play at any wedding. The lyrics in this one speak volumes given the… → Read More
Naive Cop Believes People Just Started Spitting in Their Food
Portland Police Department Officer Grace Hutchinson somehow fully believes that people have only recently started tampering with her food. → Read More
We Sat Down With Mac DeMarco Because How Else Are We Supposed to Kill Time in This Drunk Tank?
Music journalism is an immersive endeavor. In order to keep up with what’s happening we at The Hard Times go to shows constantly. This rock-solid dedication leads us to extraordinary opportunities and a lot of alcohol-related arrests. Recently, it lead to both! → Read More
Man Replaces Height in Tinder Bio with Current Body Temperature
Derrick Prost recently edited his Tinder bio replacing his height with an up to date measurement of his resting body temperature in an attempt to increase potential matches. → Read More
Band Takes Drummer on One Last Day of Doing All of His Favorite Things
Psych-rock band Three Inch Teeth treated their drummer Mitchell Gauthier to a night on the town last night, doing all of his favorite activities one last time. → Read More
Someone Needs to Tell These Problematic '90s Movies That It’s 2020
2020 marks the start of a golden age of acceptance and social progression. But along with progress, we must also seek reflection. We need to identify our previously held problematic beliefs and atone for the betterment of all people and many of us are doing so. But you know who hasn’t? Fucking ’90s movies. That’s right. This week, we went back to revisit some of our favorite films from our youth… → Read More
I Hate Ska Except for When It’s in Every Single Comedy Movie I Loved From the ‘90s
We can all agree that ska is the worst, right? I mean it’s just kinda silly. All the off-beat guitar, trumpets and trombones, absurd lyrics, and let’s not forget “skanking,” which is somehow both dorky and problematic. However, I can’t help but feel some nostalgia towards the pseudo-reggae genre as it fit so perfectly in all of the ’90s comedies I enjoyed when I was in high school. And still… → Read More
Hungover Man Guesses He Owns Local Band’s CD Now
A local man and admitted problem-drinker woke up this morning with a headache, dehydration, and a CD he must have bought at a show he attended last night. → Read More
Smokers Can Hear Band Just Fine
Local band Goblin Fist sounded just as good last night to the smokers outside the venue as it would if they were inside. → Read More
Band Draws Straws to Determine Who Will Drink and Drive
The hardcore band Gout prepared for a show with their new tradition of drawing straws to determine who will drink and drive afterwards. → Read More
I Put My Chucks on One Foot at a Time and Before My Pants, Like Anyone Else
Like you, I got two pairs of pants that I cycle through and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna unlace these all stars every 10 days just to do that. → Read More
Punk Show on 10th Hour of Waiting for a Few More People to Turn Up
A punk show is now over 10 hours past the scheduled start time while the promoter “waits for a few more people to show up.” → Read More
Kid Windmilling in Pit Tilted by Old Man on Horse
A Beta Cucks show last night was interrupted when a windmilling punk was tilted by a mysterious old man on a horse. → Read More
GG Allin’s Grave Desecrated with Flowers, Candles
Fans of infamous punk rock legend GG Allin were horrified to find the late musician’s grave shamefully desecrated with candles, flowers, and cards. → Read More
GG Allin’s Grave Desecrated with Flowers, Candles
Fans of infamous punk rock legend GG Allin were horrified to find the late musician’s grave shamefully desecrated with candles, flowers, and cards. → Read More