Curtis Cook
Willamette Week
Portland, OR, United States
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Past articles by Curtis:
Part of Battling Intolerance Is Admitting That It's Normal
{basic=We shouldn’t accept widespread hatred simply because it’s familiar, and we should continue to fight the ideals embodied by Trump’s presidency (and by “fight,” I mean “march, tweet, and write opinion pieces for Portland based newspapers”).} → Read More
We Must All Accept Responsibility for This Election and For Donald Trump
The Donald’s rise to political prominence sure as fuck wasn’t paved overnight. It was built over time, not merely by the ineptness of the divided Republican Party, but by our collective inaction, complacency, and desire to belittle and isolate those we disagree with. → Read More
Any Amount of Money is Worth More than the Faint, Distant Emotional Support of Checking In to Standing Rock
This week, protests against the the Dakota Access Pipeline are the go-to internet issue. The months-long protest surrounding the pipeline has been undoubtedly both noble and salient, but a recent social media rumor served to further popularize the cause. → Read More
Halloween Is Not an Excuse to Be a Dick
It seems like every year, though, a few insensitive partygoers’ inappropriate costume choices and foolhardy behavior lead to a surge of internet outrage and general displeasure. → Read More
A Brief List of all the Things I Would Like to Ask Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton
I’d like to know if Hillary Clinton enjoys her present wardrobe or if she has some dope sundresses picked out for her second term in office when, for the first time in decades, she’ll no longer have to placate the chauvinistic masses by exclusively wearing heavily starched pantsuits. → Read More
Clowns Aren’t the Scary People Here—It’s the Woods They’re All Lurking In
Historically, the woods only exist as hiding places for creepy shit like a séances or prayer circles dedicated to Mother Gaia. Or a raves filled with adult men sucking on pacifiers. → Read More
The Best Way to Deal with Seasonal Depression Is to Visit Gas Station Stores
Salt-and-pepper shakers. Pro-gun stickers. Menacing coffee mugs. These are but a few of the fine items available in America’s gas station shops that will brighten even the rainiest of days. → Read More
The World Is So Bad Right Now That We’re Doomed to Have Another Rendition of “We Are the World.”
There’s a direct correlation between how generally bad the world is and the presence of inspirational musical collaborations by famous people. → Read More
Mitchell Jackson’s Essays Recall Growing Up in Pre-Gentrified Northeast Portland
The author is best known for his award-winning debut, a semiautobiographical novel recounting the struggles of a poor black family in pre-gentrified Northeast Portland during the early-1990s crack epidemic. → Read More
Colin Kaepernick: Sitting Down Without Making a Difference
Kaepernick has even been compared to Muhammad Ali. But it’s strange to award such comparison to someone who simply stayed seated during a song. → Read More
Should We Be Rooting for Gawker Or the Billionaire They Publicly Outed?
Peter Thiel is 1.) white 2.) male and 3.) a billionaire, and those are the three key ingredients in a Bad Guy starter kit—but we was also publicly outed by Gawker. → Read More
Beaumont
Originally platted in 1910, the sleepy Beaumont area is a place that seems less affected than other parts of the city by the the rapid expansion of a gentrifying Portland. → Read More
Standup Comedian Curtis Cook Interviews His Future Self
Will standup comedy exist when people no longer care that Millennials care about social justice issues? What about poop jokes? → Read More
But Why Tho? An Interview with Hitler Regarding Trump
So I decided to fact-check claims that Donald Trump reflects the values of Adolf Hitler by asking the only man who could possibly know for sure: Adolf Hitler. But having a conversation with a deceased German warlord is no easy feat. → Read More
But Why Tho? Exclusive: An Interview with Melania Trump
The two met at the Rally’s on Carnegie Avenue. Much to their surprise, the shake machine was working, which is a rarity for any Rally’s establishment. Curtis had a classic vanilla shake, though Melania opted for a strawberry shake. → Read More
But Why Tho? On the Privacy Apocalypse
Pokémon Go is stealing our information, but so is everything else. → Read More
“Tickled” Pisses Off Competitive Ticklers
The R-rated tickling doc opens in Portland in spite of a defamation lawsuit. → Read More
The Ultimate Curtis Cook-Approved Guide to Bridgetown Comedy Festival
This coming Wednesday, Bridgetown will be returning to Portland for the 9th year in a row. → Read More
Will the New Ghostbusters Save or Destroy Humanity?
But Why Tho? explores the greatest issue of our time: all-female Ghostbusters reboot. → Read More
Should You Be Outraged By YACHT’s Sex Tape?
I have a theory that, at any given time, there’s only one person who honestly knows what’s actually irritating them. The rest of us just wanna be part of something. → Read More