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Past articles by New:
Murkowski Struggles With Faustian Bargain
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senator Lisa Murkowski was observed at The National Cathedral earlier today, swaddled in a hairshirt, demanding God answer why he has forsaken her and expressing unease about… → Read More
3D Chess or Craps?
Japanese swordmaster Miyamoto Musashi wrote in The Book of Five Rings that the most dangerous opponent is sometimes a beginner, whose attacks are unpredictable because he or she does not know what… → Read More
Sen. John McCain Nailed It –
What makes America great? It’s our small “L” liberalism. → Read More
Trump Derides Capone Prosecution –
“This started as an investigation of rum running and murder! What do taxes have to do with anything?” → Read More
All The Bad Things Trump Does –
Bookmark this page. It’s got it all, and will be updated. → Read More
The Art of Bullshit –
I’m a political addict, but I’m also a professional magician, or as my good friend Eli used to put on his business card, a “liar for hire”. What interests me as the “most compelling evidence” of… → Read More
Language Is Meaningless, Say 2 Most Powerful Men In World
LONDON, UK — This week, the English language was hanged, shot, burned, drawn and quartered; rendered impotent and without meaning by Donald “John” Trump, President of the United States of America… → Read More
The GOP Will Die In The Crossfire Of Killing Roe V. Wade
An Optimistic Take On A Worst Case Scenario, With Historical Perspective. → Read More
President Trump Asserts Putin’s Virility –
“Vladimir is a great lay, the best,” said the leader of the most powerful nation in NATO. → Read More
You Have No Shame –
Why Trump’s shamelessness should be his enemies’ target. → Read More
No Hidden Message? –
No Hidden Message? Please recommend and comment! Please check out my website! Please check me out on Twitter! And if you like this cartoon, I might draw some… → Read More
Donald Trump Opens Trump International Baby Prison Camp
McALLEN, TX — President Trump gave the press a tour today of his “fabulous” “first rate” “retreat” for “the younger demographic”. Consisting of five cinder block structures topped with gold… → Read More
Local Racist Unable To Categorize Officemate –
SEATTLE, WA — Sean Gunderson, underwriter for CandorSeals2000 Inc., a coatings company, is reportedly at the end of his wits, as he is unable to determine which racial epithet he should use to on… → Read More
Leaked Documents Show President Trump Is A Bag of Shit
President Donald John Trump is in fact a Hefty brand garbage bag heaving with worm-infested feces. → Read More
Trump Takes Huge Patriotic Shit On American Flag –
President Trump demands Taco Bell pay for the toilet paper. → Read More
Jack Johnson Pardon Raises Suspicions in Russia Inquiry
What was President Trump afraid Johnson would say to Robert Mueller? → Read More
Atomic Bombs Don’t Kill People –
Yeah, that’s right. I’ll say it. Moreover, I’ll put it in print. Atomic bombs don’t pose a threat, because they don’t kill people. Like guns, they can be used lethally, but since they can be owned… → Read More
Donald Trump Opens Slam Poetry Tour –
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Fans at CPACapalooza were totally jazzed by the nimble wordplay exhibited by M.C. Prezzie in his first performance without the aid of instruments or a turntable. M.C. Prezzie… → Read More
Guns Don’t Solve Problems –
That’s what the NRA likes to say. It’s catchy. It makes you feel like you could be Steven Seagal, prowling the belly of a battleship with an MP5, taking out terrorists like a boss. Let’s look at the… → Read More
“Can’t this wait until we’re done grieving for Sandy Hook?” asks Sen. Jim Inhofe
WASHINGTON, D.C. — in the wake of the Parkland shooting, Republicans are once again facing pressure to admit to the public health threat posed by firearms and enact some kind of regulation to… → Read More