Garrett Schlichte
Jezebel
San Francisco, CA, United States
Contact Garrett
Discover and connect with journalists and influencers around the world, save time on email research, monitor the news, and more.
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Past articles by Garrett:
Women Have Been Hit Hardest by Coronavirus-Related Unemployment
In April, it was believed that women were going to be hit hardest by the layoffs resulting from circumstances related to covid-19, the disease caused by the novel coronavirus. At the time, the hospitality industry, restaurants, and retail stores were being most heavily impacted by coronavirus related closures, a reality that has only continued to proliferate since. Consequently, those… → Read More
Who's Ready to Go Back to Disney World?
Back in April, Walt Disney World, otherwise known as the best Disney theme park in the United States, and also the largest single-site employer in the country, furloughed 43,000 union employees as a result of the park’s closure due to covid-19. → Read More
What Do the Nations Best Dealing With Covid-19 All Have in Common? They're Led by Women
What do New Zealand, Germany, Finland, and Taiwan all have in common? For one, they’re all places I’ve never been before. More importantly, they’re the nations that are leading the world in managing the global pandemic caused by covid-19. They’re the nations that have experienced the fewest deaths, even in comparison to similarly-sized countries. New Zealand is already preparing to lift its… → Read More
I Wish Obama Spoke at My High School Graduation
The romanticization of the high school experience is simultaneously one of my most favorite and least favorite tropes of every single coming-of-age film. On one hand, I’ll indulge in any opportunity to reminisce on my own high school experience now that the edges have been softened by a decade away, and on the other, I’m still just like, nope, it was an unmitigated hellscape and no indie-pop… → Read More
Saturday Night Social: Everyone Should Get High and Watch the Original Cats Tonight
One of the first things I ever got to write for Jezebel was this essay about how wonderfully gay and horny and unhinged the original staged production of Cats was. This includes the 1998 filmed production, which is just basically the staged show with some questionable special effects. Everyone who felt that the 2019 movie was too erotic to be a film about singing, dancing cats, was clearly way… → Read More
Here's Further Proof That Dogs Are Better Than Cats
Almost a decade ago, Jezebel proved, unequivocally (and also scientifically and democratically), that dogs are superior to cats. Unfortunately, cat people, there is no room for discussion here. The decision is final and binding and although you may want to stomp your feet in protest, you cannot change what will live forever on the internet. → Read More
Maybe If Someone Showed Melania a Picture of Michelle Obama in a Mask She'd Copy Her and Keep Hers On
It would appear that Melania Trump is no stranger to having her husband not listen to a single word that comes out of her mouth. Considering his own on and offline presence, I can only assume he’s literally only ever heard a faint buzzing in his ears any time she’s talked about her Be Best campaign, meant to tackle, amongst other things, cyber-bullying. That is, of course, assuming she’s ever… → Read More
Women in Science Make Outrageous Demand to Be Recognized for Their Work
As if another reminder was needed, covid-19 has proven, time and again, that women are very frequently the ones keeping everything running during times of crisis (and also during all other times). It’s also proven that, despite women being both visible on the front lines, and women reporting the high number of hours they’re working both for their jobs and in service of keeping their home life in… → Read More
Even Trey MacDougal Hated Trey MacDougal
Mr. Big was an asshole. Aiden was a man child. Steve was the only truly hot one (don’t talk to me about Smith Jerrod okay, he doesn’t count and I won’t be elaborating on that further), and I would literally die for Harry, a sweet, sweet mench of a man. I’d like to say that Berger was the worst man on Sex and the City, predominantly because he’s a real whiny piece of shit, but I think we all know… → Read More
Apparently, This Is All Pluto's Fault
There was a time, not too long ago considering the long history of our galaxy but also long enough ago considering how short our attention spans have gotten, when everyone was on Pluto’s side. Was it a planet or was it not? Yes! Shouted the public, because everyone loves an underdog. No! Shouted science, because, well, I assume it’s science’s job to tell the public they’re wrong. → Read More
A Love Letter to Sweet Tomatoes Ranch Dressing, I'll Miss You Most of All
I am, above all else, a sick, sick person who believes that ranch dressing is, perhaps, the greatest condiment in existence. I am not fooled by what it is at its core, as it is just ultimately just a kind of loose, zesty mayonnaise (which, same), but this acknowledgment about the fundamental truth of ranch dressing has not and will not do anything to deter my love for it. Its versatility is… → Read More
Navajo Nation Has Among the Highest Rates of Covid-19 Infections and the Fewest Resources
Valentina Blackhorse, a mother, leader, and pageant winner from Navajo Nation died on April 23, 2020, after being diagnosed with covid-19, the disease caused by the novel coronavirus strain only a day before. She was just 28 years old and is survived by her one-year-old daughter, Poet, and her sister, Vanielle. At the time she started to experience symptoms, she was caring for her partner who… → Read More
Last Night Was Jill Scott Verzuz Erykah Badu and Everybody Won
Well, it might have taken a while, but last night Verzuz, the Swizz Beatz and Timbaland created Instagram live battle series where producers, singers, rappers, and songwriters go head-to-head over 20 rounds playing their heaviest hitters, finally brought women into the mix in a big way. Jill Scott vs. Erykah Badu was, to say the absolute least, highly anticipated, and it gave us more than I… → Read More
Saturday Night Social: Do You Think God Is Listening to Trump's Spiritual Advisor?
The last time we checked in on Paula White, the spiritual advisor to Donald Trump, she was pulling out of a speaking engagement at a conference that was promising supernatural protection from the coronavirus. Before that, she was praying that God would terminate all satanic pregnancies, and making a call against both the animal and marine kingdoms. I’ve still yet to learn what either kingdom did… → Read More
RIP Roy Horn, a True Tiger King
Did you know that Roy Horn, one half of the dazzling Siegfried & Roy, once snuck a cheetah out of a zoo and on to a cruise ship in a laundry bag? And then proceeded to convince Siegfried Fischbacher to do magic tricks with the cheetah for cruise ship guests? I’ve (embarrassingly) been on my fair share cruises, and the closest I’ve come to a live animal on a ship is the towel art in the shape of… → Read More
Tourism Board Hopes Normal People Makes You Appropriately Horny for Ireland
From the moment the trailer for the TV adaption of Sally Rooney’s novel Normal People came out, it’s been assumed the show would be very, very horny. “Surely there are more pressing matters outside of the fucking in this trailer,” said Jezebel’s managing editor Megan Reynolds, “but I’m very sorry, all I see before me are two attractive people with skin like fresh cream licking each other’s… → Read More
Unsurprised to Report Women Are Doing Way More Home Labor Than Men Right Now
Earlier this week it was unshockingly revealed that women are taking on most of the household responsibilities during lockdown and that the men they are living with (and cleaning up after, and whose children they are teaching) disagree about this fact. Men, overestimating their own contributions while simultaneously underrecognizing the work women are clearly doing right before their eyes, can… → Read More
Alison Roman Talking Shit About Chrissy Teigen Is a Recipe for Disaster
There have been more twists and turns in the Alison Roman and Chrissy Teigen drama in the last 24 hours than there are steps in an Alison Roman recipe, which maybe sounds like a read but is honestly one of the things I appreciated most about the Nothing Fancy cookbook author’s offerings. Should you not inhabit the particular corner of the internet that has spent the last couple months cooking… → Read More
The Bon App Recap: 'Anything Can Be Your Dump'
Another week, another crop of videos, another opportunity for Andy Baraghani to talk shit about the kinds of food most of us are eating on a semi-regular basis! → Read More
Looks Like More Horny Vampire Stories Are on the Way
It looks like everyone’s favorite fanfiction-inspiring novel, Twilight, is going to be making a comeback soon, or rather, again. Stephanie Meyer, the trilogy’s author, recently posted a countdown clock on her official website, and fans were quick to speculate as to what in the world this could possibly mean. More pale-faced kids sucking face in the woods and speaking exclusively in pregnant… → Read More