Tim Marchman
Deadspin
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Past articles by Tim:
White Sox Send Good Player To Minor Leagues
Yesterday, the Chicago White Sox sent Eloy Jiménez, probably their best player, to the minor leagues. While general manager Rick Hahn and manager Rick Renteria made unconvincing noises about how Jiménez needs to work on his defense and get his timing down, everyone knows that the team is sending him down because then they can pay him a below-market salary for an extra year. → Read More
Who Is We?
This past December, the New York Times ran a perfectly anodyne post promoting a new episode of The Daily, its popular podcast, and found itself mildly embarrassed. The problem wasn’t the actual substance of what it had published, a straightforward accounting of how the national-security establishment’s fixation on Arabs and Muslims had blinded it to the threat posed by right-wing terrorism, but… → Read More
White Sox Don't Sign Player
Kenny Williams, executive vice-president of the Chicago White Sox, spoke to reporters today about his team’s failed pursuit of Manny Machado, who will, per reports, sign with the San Diego Padres for $300 million or so: → Read More
White Sox Sign Shitty Player
The Chicago White Sox did their part to keep the hot stove warm enough that you could put an oven mitt on it, then come back 10 minutes later to find it mildly toasty and perhaps worthy of being ranked as a warmth, by announcing the signing of shitty outfielder Jon Jay today. → Read More
Report: White Sox Acquire Starting Pitcher
MLB’s hot stove continues to burn the fingerprints off those who touch it, and the Chicago White Sox are somewhere in its vicinity, holding their palms up to try to warm up a little bit. The latest news out of the winter meetings, broken by The Athletic’s Ken Rosenthal and his associate Robert Murray: → Read More
Here Is An Extremely Weird Baseball Hall Of Fame Ballot
The way baseball’s Hall of Fame and the veteran sportswriters who vote in its elections have responded to the presence of drug users on the ballot over the last several years has been terrible for the institution, turning what should be an annual celebration of the game’s great players and rich history into an annual exercise in insulting those players and denying them their place in that… → Read More
Reports: The Chicago White Sox Exist
Given how easy it is for even their fans to forget about the Chicago White Sox’s existence, the most notable thing about baseball’s ongoing annual general manager meetings has probably been that several reporters for national outlets have written about the team, whose most recent campaign was highlighted by a variety of bizarre injuries to first baseman José Abreu’s dick-and-balls area. The… → Read More
Anthony Bourdain Was Who I Wish I Was
As I’d imagine many or, who knows, maybe even most of those who admired him did, I once had the strange experience of realizing that Anthony Bourdain seemed to know a place I lived better than I did. In 2009, his No Reservations program went to Chicago, and if he didn’t get the entire city, which of course no one could do in 43 minutes, he came closer than he really should have been able to.… → Read More
Don't Cook Chicken In A Fucking Dishwasher
Earlier today, while waiting on my porch for some delivery guys to turn up, I checked in on what was happening in Deadspin’s work chat—my job requires me to surveil the staffs of the various Gizmodo Media Group sites to make sure they’re diligently working for the betterment of our corporate overlords—and immediately regretted it. A staff discussion of ancient Roman techniques for cooking… → Read More
Gifts For Winter Cycling
Winter approaches, and the icy grip of death descends from the north. The foolish cyclist hangs their bicycle on a peg and prepares for months of slothfulness in which their only exercise consists of getting up to go to the fridge; the confident cyclist, aware that even in a bad climate most days in winter the roads are clear and the only impediment to a good ride is the cold, prepares to layer… → Read More
Donald Trump Continues To Go After Outspoken Black Athletes
This morning, we can be fairly sure, Donald Trump was watching the teevee and saw a Fox & Friends report about how star Golden State Warriors point guard Steph Curry wants to not go to the White House if the team is invited there to celebrate their recent championship. He punched a message into Twitter with his stubby fingers: → Read More
Trump Says NFL Owners Should Fire "Son Of A Bitch" Anthem Protestors
While stumping for Alabama senatorial candidate Luther Strange tonight, prominent dotard Donald Trump urged his friends in NFL ownership to march onto the field and fire players who kneel during the playing of the national anthem. He further claimed that NFL ratings are down because players aren’t allowed to hit each other, though he went back and forth on whether players not causing each other… → Read More
Sage Northcutt Claims To Have Been Hacked [NSFW]
Relentlessly positive UFC golden boy Sage Northcutt has had a rough time of it lately, what with losing two of his last three and having had his most recently scheduled bout called off due to injuries to him and his opponent. Earlier tonight, though, Twitter user Zombie Prophet revealed a discovery suggesting that the young welterweight has found a way to relieve the stress and tension he’s… → Read More
Nicky Delmonico Makes White Sox Debut
In his sixth year as a pro ballplayer, Nicky Delmonico made his major-league debut with the Chicago White Sox tonight, striking out before a sparse crowd. → Read More
Please Enjoy This Extremely English Politician's Awkward Campaign Ad
I’m not quite sure what to say about this campaign ad recently released by Greg Knight, a Tory MP representing East Yorkshire. Consider that Knight told the press “I never aspired to be an Alan Partridge” after it went viral; consider that he did so because, to a first approximation, every single outlet in the United Kingdom compared him to Alan Partridge, whom he became, regardless of his… → Read More
White Sox Promote Adam Engel From Triple-A
Today, the Chicago White Sox promoted center fielder Adam Engel from Triple-A Charlotte, where he was hitting .221/.312/.463. Engel takes a roster spot vacated by utility man Tyler Saladino, who is on the 10-day disabled list with “sciatic nerve related stuff.” Engel got a hit in the eighth inning of a 4-3 loss to the Detroit Tigers while making his major-league debut. → Read More
White Sox Create Hellish Artifact
Why an alarm clock that wakes you up by having Hawk Harrelson scream “You can put it on the board ... YESSSS!” at you exists I just can’t tell you, though Paul Skrbina of the Chicago Tribune has reported that we came close to living in a reality where the clock yelled “You gotta be bleepin’ me!” at you. What I can tell you is that thanks to generous reader Keenan, I can confirm that this is a… → Read More
White Sox Announcers Have Inane Conversation
Chicago White Sox announcer Steve Stone has been one of the best color men in baseball for decades, and for half the year—the half he spends calling Sox home games with Jason Benetti—he remains one. During the other half of the year, which he spends calling Sox road games with Hawk Harrelson, he becomes subject to the same brain-wasting disease that afflicts everyone exposed to the Hawk. → Read More
White Sox Manager Lets Emotional Attachment To Mike Pelfrey Get Better Of Him
Chicago White Sox starter Mike Pelfrey has been generally ineffective this year, but he’s been at his worst when attempting to get through an opponent’s lineup for a third time. He’s pitched to 15 batters in this situation, allowing nine runs and a .750/.733/1.583 batting line. → Read More
White Sox Use Unconventional Means To Knock Orioles Starter Out Of Game
The first-place Chicago White Sox knocked Baltimore Orioles starter Wade Miley out of the game tonight, using the unusual method of repeatedly attacking him with sharply-hit balls. The GIF above shows Avisaíl García, currently leading the league in batting average, getting Miley right in the leg in the top of the first inning; the one below shows José Abreu, the immediately preceding batter,… → Read More