Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

Andy Borowitz

The New Yorker

New York, NY, United States

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Past articles by Andy:

Americans Shocked by Audiotape Appearing to Prove Trump Capable of Reading

The former President appears to demonstrate reading comprehension at a rudimentary level, decoding letters as they combine to form words and sentences. → Read More

Kari Lake Declares Herself New Leader of the Wagner Group

Andy Borowitz jokes that the failed political candidate Kari Lake has appointed herself leader of the Wagner Group, after Yevgeny Prigozhin’s departure for Belarus. → Read More

Paul Singer Sets Fishing Record by Catching Two-Hundred-Pound Supreme Court Justice

Andy Borowitz jokes about the recent news that the U.S. Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito went on a secret fishing trip with the billionaire Paul Singer. → Read More

Fox News Apologizes for “Regrettable Flirtation with Accuracy”

Andy Borowitz jokes about a Fox News interview with Donald Trump, in which the ex-President clashed with Bret Baier over his mishandling of classified documents. → Read More

Miami Police Searching for Defendant with Seventy-one Felony Counts Who Skipped Out on Restaurant Check

Andy Borowitz jokes about Donald Trump skipping out on the check at the Cuban restaurant he visited after his second arraignment this year, in Miami, Florida. → Read More

Official Documents Mysteriously Missing from Miami Courthouse

Andy Borowitz jokes that sensitive documents have been stolen from a federal court in Miami, where the ex-President Donald Trump appeared for his arraignment. → Read More

Mar-a-Lago Dinner Guests Wondered Why Menus Contained Missile Sites

“It was the last thing I needed, especially after climbing over all of those boxes to get to my table,” an irritated patron said. → Read More

D.O.J. Has Been Weaponized Against Me, Says El Chapo

Andy Borowitz jokingly imagines the former drug lord Joaquín (El Chapo) Guzmán using the same rhetoric as Donald Trump, who was recently indicted for a second time. → Read More

Pence Flees in Terror After No One but One Woman Shows Up at Rally

Andy Borowitz jokingly imagines a campaign rally for the former Vice-President Mike Pence, after he recently announced his 2024 Presidential bid. → Read More

Pence Endorsed by National Association of Ass-Kissers

Andy Borowitz jokes about the former Vice-President Mike Pence’s run for President against Donald Trump, to whom he has been abjectly loyal in the past. → Read More

Skeptics Question Whether Pence Has More to Offer Than Raw Sexual Magnetism

Andy Borowitz jokes that Mike Pence, a conservative Christian presumptive 2024 Republican Presidential contender, has nothing to offer but sex appeal. → Read More

Americans Struggle to Remember Who Chris Christie Is Again

Andy Borowitz jokingly writes about the former governor of New Jersey Chris Christie, and his plans to announce a 2024 Republican Presidential campaign. → Read More

Twitter Investigation Reveals Keyboard Was Clogged with Chocolate Pudding

Andy Borowitz humorously claims that streaming difficulties during Ron DeSantis’s Presidential-bid announcement, via Twitter, was caused by a pudding-related issue. → Read More

DeSantis Hopes to Seem Like Normal Person by Appearing Next to Elon Musk

According to an aide, the campaign considered a shortlist of other foils, including Mickey Rourke, Dennis Rodman, and Ginni Thomas. → Read More

DeSantis Caught Sneaking Into Matinée of “Little Mermaid”

Andy Borowitz makes fun of Florida’s right-wing governor, who has signed bills into law that target drag shows and who is currently being sued by Disney. → Read More

Floridians Demand to Know Where Disney Is Going so They Can Come With

Across the state, residents indicated a desperate desire to join Disney in its departure. → Read More

Florida Teacher Arrested for Showing Disney Movie Featuring Boy Character with Girl’s Name

The teacher claimed that she thought it was “O.K.” to show the incendiary film because the character in question was a deer. → Read More

George Santos Pleads Nonexistent

Andy Borowitz jokes that the New York congressman George Santos, who was charged this week with fraud and lying, now claims that he isn’t even a real person. → Read More

Americans Shocked by Spectacle of Liars Not Getting Away with It

Andy Borowitz jokes about an unprecedented wave of accountability for liars, in reference to recent news about Tucker Carlson, Donald Trump, and George Santos. → Read More

George Santos Claims Arraignment Conflicts with His Role in N.B.A. Playoffs

Andy Borowitz jokes that George Santos, the indicted U.S. congressman for New York, is claiming to be a basketball player for the N.B.A.’s Los Angeles Lakers. → Read More