Andy Borowitz
The New Yorker
New York, NY, United States
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Past articles by Andy:
Trump Calls Biden “Pathetic” for Needing Hunter’s Help to Get Impeached
Andy Borowitz humorously jokes that Donald Trump finds President Joe Biden to be a disgrace for needing the help of his son Hunter Biden to get impeached. → Read More
Tucker Carlson Reportedly Enraged Fox by Saving His Best Material for His Texts
Andy Borowitz jokes about Fox News’ claim that a leaked Tucker Carlson text message about “how white men fight” contributed to its decision to fire him. → Read More
Tucker Carlson and Kari Lake Announce Plans for Alternate Universe
Although preparations are in the primordial stage, the two right-wing icons said that the realm would exist outside the normal bounds of time and space. → Read More
Tucker Carlson Enters Rehab After Texts Show Him Telling Truth
Andy Borowitz jokes that Tucker Carlson claims to have checked himself into a rehab facility after text messages showed the former Fox personality telling the truth. → Read More
Fox Replaces Tucker Carlson with Lying Chatbot
Andy Borowitz jokes that Fox News is replacing Tucker Carlson, who recently left the network, with a lying chatbot. → Read More
Elon Musk Falls Below Clarence Thomas on List of World’s Richest People
Andy Borowitz humorously satirizes Elon Musk financially falling below Justice Clarence Thomas, who is currently under fire for failing to disclose luxury gifts. → Read More
Elon Musk Says Rocket Exploded Because It Insisted on Working Remotely
Andy Borowitz jokes that Elon Musk believes the scourge of remote work is the reason for the explosion that occurred during SpaceX’s inaugural Starship launch. → Read More
DeSantis Ends Feud with Disney and Launches Attack on Smurfs
Andy Borowitz jokes that the Florida governor, Ron DeSantis, has pivoted from attacking Disney to attacking the Smurfs, presumably because of their blue color. → Read More
Cash-Strapped Fox Forced to Sell Kevin McCarthy
Andy Borowitz jokes that Fox News has been forced to sell Representative Kevin McCarthy, owing to the network’s large Dominion Voting Systems settlement. → Read More
Tucker Carlson Reports That Fox Did Not Settle Dominion Lawsuit
“We had a very, very strong case and would not have writhed like snivelling scoundrels on the witness stand,” the Fox News host said. → Read More
Dominion Trial Delayed Five Hours While Fox Anchors Apply Makeup
Andy Borowitz riffs on Dominion’s defamation trial against Fox News, and the substantial amount of makeup that Fox News anchors typically wear. → Read More
Fox News Lawyers to Cite Hiring of Kimberly Guilfoyle as Part of Insanity Defense
Fox’s lawyers believe that the decision to put Guilfoyle on the air is conclusive proof that the network’s brass cannot be held responsible for their actions. → Read More
Ginni Thomas Vows Not to Let Husband’s Problems Interfere with Her Work on Supreme Court
Calling her post as Associate Justice “a job I’ve loved for the past three decades,” she said, “I’m hopping mad that Clarence would do anything to jeopardize that.” → Read More
Increasingly Unhinged Jim Jordan Subpoenas Himself
Andy Borowitz humorously riffs on the Ohio congressman Jim Jordan and his recent subpoenas, despite he himself defying a subpoena in regard to the January 6th Capitol riot. → Read More
Wealthy G.O.P. Donor Paid for Ginni Thomas’s Fur Pelts and Horns
Andy Borowitz jokingly links Ginni Thomas to the QAnon Shaman, in the wake of new reports that she and Clarence Thomas accepted lavish gifts from a megadonor. → Read More
Millions of Americans Who Have Paid Off Porn Stars Feel Under Attack
Andy Borowitz jokes that the millions of Americans who have paid off adult-film stars feel threatened by the recent charges against Donald Trump. → Read More
Panicky Matt Gaetz Stops Payment on Several Checks
Andy Borowitz jokes about Matt Gaetz—whose payments to a sex trafficker put him under scrutiny recently—feeling nervous after Trump’s hush-money indictment. → Read More
Melania Sends Thoughts and Prayers
Andy Borowitz jokes that Melania Trump has reacted dispassionately to the indictment of her husband, Donald Trump, on criminal charges. → Read More
Marjorie Taylor Greene Caught in N.Y.C. Eating Soros-Backed Hebrew National Hot Dog
Andy Borowitz humorously satirizes Marjorie Taylor Greene, who has made antisemitic remarks in the past, as having eaten a Hebrew National hot dog in New York. → Read More
Kari Lake Livid That She Has Not Been Indicted
“If this cabal of Manhattan élites think that they’re going to get away with not indicting me, they are gravely mistaken,” Lake said. → Read More