Jordan Sargent
Gawker
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Past articles by Jordan:
A Karaoke Video of an Olympic Dressage Horse Dancing to Carlos Santana and Rob Thomas's "Smooth"
This morning in Rio, Spanish dressage rider Severo Jesus Jurado Lopez and his horse Lorenzo (please roll the “r”), trotted onto the Olympic course and began a dance routine to the legendary “Smooth” by Carlos Santana and Rob Thomas—perhaps the most indelible song about giving your heart, making it real, or else forgetting about it in the history of recorded music. → Read More
Melania Trump Apparently Plagiarized a Section of Michelle Obama's 2008 Convention Speech
Tonight at the Republican National Convention, potential first lady Melania Trump delivered the night’s headlining speech in what was her most important moment in the public eye since she married Donald Trump 11 years ago. The speech was praised by hacks on both sides of the aisle (and the middle), though there might unintentionally be a reason for that: As first pointed out by journalist… → Read More
The Main Republican Convention Stage Apparently Smells Like Rotten Bananas and Mildew
There is a foul odor emanating from the Republican National Convention in Cleveland, and folks—it isn’t the party platform. This morning, just before the start of the convention, a police officer conversed with a dispatcher about the distinct smell of “rotten bananas and mildew” wafting out of the arena’s banjo-shaped stage. That back-and-forth, broadcast via police scanner, is captured above. → Read More
Theranos Founder Elizabeth Holmes' Net Worth Was Always a Load of Crap
This morning, Forbes made a big announcement. Tech darling Elizabeth Holmes—the founder of the disgraced blood-testing firm Theranos—is no longer a multi-billionaire. Instead, Forbes estimates, she’s now worth “nothing.” This is a delicious scoop of schadenfreude, but it’s one that nonetheless obscures that Holmes was always actually worth, to use Forbes’ term, nothing. → Read More
Wolf Blitzer Fondly Remembers the Prince Classic "Purple Haze"
Wolf Blitzer is either a big fan of Jimi Hendrix, weed, or Cam’ron. Either way he doesn’t seem to know shit about Prince. → Read More
Snapchat Wants You to Celebrate 4/20 With Its Blackface-y Bob Marley Filter
This is me as Bob Marley, via Snapchat’s new 4/20 filter, which blends your face with Bob Marley’s. It’s a particularly uncomfortable filter if, like me, you’re a white person. I don’t feel so good and I don’t think everything’s gonna be alright. → Read More
This Argument in British Parliament Is Just Extremely Good Shit
Here we have Labour MP Dennis Skinner addressing British prime minister David Cameron with a pithy schoolyard nickname related to Panama Papers revelations as their colleagues howl around them in a mixture of delight and disgust. It crescendoes in Skinner delivering a thunderous applause line and then being tossed out of Parliament by a guy who looks like this: → Read More
PBS News Story on First-Time Trump Voters Prominently Displays Longtime White Power Tattoos
Last night, PBS NewsHour ran a story on the Tilly family of Fayetteville, North Carolina. The Tillys do not have a history of being active in politics, but various members of the family—both old and young—are being motivated to vote or work for a campaign for the first time by Donald Trump. → Read More
Ted Cruz Super PAC Releases New Ad That Misspells the Word "Country"
Making political advertisements doesn’t need to be very hard. Or, it at least needs to be much harder than correctly spelling the word “country.” → Read More
Gaffe Alert: Hillary Clinton Bungles Making a Murderer Question at Iowa Town Hall
Bad news for the remaining presidential candidates, but primarily, in this case, Hillary Clinton: if you don’t binge watch a Netflix show at the rate of an everyday inert American, you’re liable to unwittingly embarrass yourself on the campaign trail. → Read More
Open Letter to Donald Trump: What's That Hanging Around Your Neck, Pal?
Here are three photos of Donald Trump, taken on consecutive days, starting with Monday, Jan. 4 and ending today, Jan. 6. → Read More
City of Los Angeles Will Not Charge Bill Cosby With Rape in Two Cases
The Los Angeles District Attorney’s office announced today that it has declined to file charges against Bill Cosby regarding two incidents of alleged rape that happened 43 years apart. → Read More
Apple Products Are Not Built for Winter
Lately, the thought of opening my Macbook first thing in the morning flushes me with dread. There are many reasons for this to be so, but the one at the forefront of my mind when I rise is also the most primal: I know my Macbook will be miserably cold to the touch. → Read More
Bodies of At Least 34 Refugees Wash Ashore in Turkey After Boats Capsize
Two refugee boats attempting to navigate the Aegean Sea from Turkey to Greece capsized early Tuesday morning, killing at least 34 men, women and children, whose bodies washed onto beaches in the coastal towns of Ayvalık and Dikili, a local news agency there reported. → Read More
Carly Fiorina Is Trying to Pretend She Didn't Humiliate Herself on Twitter
The Rose Bowl, a college football game traditionally played on New Year’s Day, is a celebration of American regionalism. Historically, it pitted the champion of the Midwest’s Big Ten Conference against the champion of the Pacific Coast Conference (or its successors). The arrangement has been modified and undermined by conference realignment and college championship schemes, but most years, the… → Read More
This Stupid Lawsuit Has Nothing To Do With Cliven Bundy
Racist territorialist Cliven Bundy has done crazy shit, but here is one crazy thing, contrary to a story broken today by Buzzfeed, that he hasn’t done: filed a federal lawsuit claiming, among other things, that Barack Obama threatened Donald Trump. → Read More
Watch Surreal Video of Bill Cosby's Perp Walk
A few minutes after 2:30 p.m. this afternoon, Bill Cosby showed up to a magistrate’s office in Elkins Park, Penn. for arraignment on three charges of sexual assault that were filed by the Montgomery County district attorney this morning. Waiting for him was the press, which produced the surreal scene of Cosby’s first real public reckoning with his crimes. → Read More
Bill Cosby Charged With Three Sexual Assault Counts Relating To 2004 Incident
In a press conference this morning, the Montgomery County District Attorney’s office in Pennsylvania announced that it has filed three charges of “aggravated indecent assault” against Bill Cosby relating to an alleged rape that took place in 2004. → Read More
Haters and Losers: A Gallery of 2015's Most Wild-Eyed Donald Trump Fanatics
August 21: Mobile, Ala. → Read More
Ted Cruz Supporters: Crazy in Their Own Words
You’ve seen Donald Trump supporters speak, in so many ways. To pick a single example at random, when one called for a public lynching of a black protestor. Or remember this woman who would throw a spear into your chest if Donald Trump ordered it? But there is a segment of America who has not yet been given a national platform to advertise their pathetic delusion: Ted Cruz supporters. → Read More