Cory Cousins
The Hard Times
Houston, TX, United States
Contact Cory
Discover and connect with journalists and influencers around the world, save time on email research, monitor the news, and more.
| Recent: |
|
| Past: |
|
Past articles by Cory:
Members of Metallica Decide to Kick Dave Mustaine Out of Megadeth
Megadeth frontman, and only remaining founding member, Dave Mustaine was shocked to discover he was kicked out of his own band by members of Metallica. → Read More
Weird: Friend From High School Old Now
Local 39-year-old Jillian Rhodes was startled this afternoon after learning that her friend from high school Jordan Hansley is now old. → Read More
Poser at Restaurant Wears Shirt of Food They’re Going to Eat
Local man Terry Miller became the target of derision and mockery from patrons at upscale eatery Stem when he showed up wearing a shirt of the dish he planned to eat that night. → Read More
Man Pretty Sure It Is HR Violation To Tell Coworker His Band’s Name
Lead singer of popular metal band, A Fistful of Fetuses, thought it a good idea to consult his company’s policies before disclosing his band name to fellow coworkers. → Read More
Spotify CEO Receives Gift Basket of Elk Meat and Testosterone Injections From Secret Admirer
An air of mystery and excitement pervaded CEO Daniel Ek’s office as he was delivered a gift basket of elk meat and testosterone injections from a secret admirer. → Read More
Joe Rogan Fan Pretty Open-Minded To Everything Joe Rogan Believes
Local man and self-proclaimed “Roganite,” Connor Patterson, admits to being open to a variety of expert opinions and science facts, as long as they are endorsed by Joe Rogan. → Read More
High School Drama Teacher Can’t See Doing ‘Brigadoon’ With This New Crop of Talentless Hacks
Local high school theater teacher Jean St. John is highly doubtful about pulling off the musical ‘Brigadoon’ after meeting a particularly incompetant incoming freshman class. → Read More
Metal Band Only Playing Venues With Chain Wallet Mandates
Local metal band, Reluctant Cannibal, announced they will exclusively perform at venues that mandate the donning of chain wallets for every patron. → Read More
Drummer Excited to Premiere New Soundcheck Drum Solo
Local drummer Ethan Chambers was buzzing with excitement last night just before unveiling his new drum solo, specifically intended for sound check and absolutely nothing else. → Read More
“The Suicide Squad” Was a Lot of Fun. Here’s Seven Things I Hated About It
My hardened shell of cynicism does not allow for such emotions as joy and sincerity. So if you’re like me and are suspicious of glee, then buckle up and join me in highlighting all of the hateable parts of this enjoyable film! → Read More
Aging Performance Artist Unable To Piss on Flag Like He Used to
An audience at a local coffee house performance art event was disappointed as the headliner, Indigo Starr, was unable to micturate on the American flag as advertised. → Read More
Band Argues About Setlist Like Anyone Gives a Shit
Members of local metal band Brutal Stepson grew heated last night when they couldn’t agree on a setlist, about which the audience couldn’t care less. → Read More
Yngwie Malmsteen Lists Self as Biggest Influence
Yngwie Malmsteen revealed that his biggest musical influence as a precocious axe shredder was none other than himself and absolutely nobody else. → Read More
National Spelling Bee Slowly but Surely Running Out of Words
Organizers of the National Spelling Bee expressed concerns this week after learning that the highly-regarded competition is in serious danger of running out of words eventually. → Read More
Newly Dissolved Metal Band Argue Over Custody of 20 Foot Tall Animatronic Goat Demon
Members of recently broken-up metal band, Corpse Wax, quarreled over possession of a twenty-foot-tall animatronic goat demon which appeared at all of their shows. → Read More
Conservatives Demand Mr. Potato Head Retain His Giant, Veiny Potato Dick
Conservatives outraged by Hasbro’s announcement that Mr. Potato Head would become gender-neutral immediately created petitions to ensure the company would not alter the toy’s giant, veiny potato dick. → Read More
Opinion: I Now Side With Every Dad From All Those 80s Metal Videos
I used to be one of those metal kids who thought it was cool to piss off your parents by blasting ungodly music at even ungodlier decibel levels late into the night. Even on weeknights! But that's all changed. In the wake of countless scandals involving abuse, neo-Nazism, and not actually worshipping Satan, I finally see the eye to eye with all those angry dads from metal videos in the 80s. → Read More
Hungover YouTube Guitar Teacher Just Going to Put on Documentary About Jimi Hendrix
YouTube guitar teacher Nita von Bismark put on a Jimi Hendrix documentary and would not take any questions following an epic night of drinking. → Read More
White House Chef Excited to Change Menu from Corn Dogs and Funyuns
White House kitchen staff can’t wait to cook “real food” for President-elect Joe Biden instead of the usual corn dogs and Funyuns for the incumbent Donald J. Trump. → Read More
Tribal Tattoo Doubles as Godsmack Tattoo, Triples as Sex Offender Identification
A local man went door-to-door this week to explain to his neighbors that his Godsmack/tribal tattoo could be used to positively identify him as a sex offender. → Read More