Gabrielle Bluestone, Jezebel

Gabrielle Bluestone

Jezebel

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Recent:
  • Unknown
Past:
  • Jezebel
  • Gawker

Past articles by Gabrielle:

The Answer, My Luxurious Friends, Is Blowing in the Wind

We may never know whether Donald J. Trump, our esteemed president and leader, is actually a billionaire, since he won’t release his tax returns. But he does own a tie company, and I’d assume the White House has a sewing kit or two he could use if he can’t afford alterations? And yet, not only is he still tying his tie down with scotch tape, he’s started using multiple pieces. → Read More

Jeff Sessions Says He Will Recuse Himself From Investigations into Trump Campaign

Attorney General Jeff Sessions insisted Thursday that he did not lie about his interactions with a Russian ambassador, giving a fairly detailed rundown of parts of their conversation while also maintaining he doesn’t really remember the meeting. Sessions also recused himself from any investigations into the Trump campaign, saying he had planned to do so anyway because he had stumped for Trump… → Read More

How Were the Ratings?

On Tuesday evening, esteemed President Donald John Trump delivered a televised speech before both sections of Congress, where for almost an hour he managed to refrain from groping anyone or defecating his pants onstage. It was an impressive feat, for which he has received rare but effusive media praise. → Read More

Trump Promises Investigation into Navy SEAL Op That Left 1 Dead

Welcome to Barf Bag, a daily politics roundup to help you sort through the chaotic Trumpian news cycle. → Read More

Man Who Started Iraq War Says Trump Is Overstepping

It didn’t take very much for 43rd President George W. Bush—who hated the media, started the Iraq War and still holds the lowest exit approval ratings of any president ever—to sound reasoned and sensible in comparison to our current esteemed President Donald John Trump. → Read More

Our Wild Night Out With James O’Keefe, Dog the Bounty Hunter and Nigel Farage

There are two things that seem to attract conservatives, young and old, to the annual CPAC event in National Harbor, MD. The first is the daily programming, which this year included speeches from esteemed President Donald Trump, esteemed President Stephen Bannon, White House Chief of Staff Reince Preibus and Ivanka Trump brand ambassador Kellyanne Conway. The second are the parties, which tend… → Read More

Man Who Pretended to Be His Own Spokesperson Accuses the Media of Making Up Sources

NATIONAL HARBOR, MD—Esteemed president Donald J. Trump used his CPAC speech Friday to rail against the First Amendment and the media’s use of anonymous sources—a curious stance for the self-proclaimed businessman, given his history of citing anonymous sources and pretending to be other people in interviews. → Read More

Here's a Picture of the Crowd Lined Up Outside CPAC to See Donald Trump Speak

NATIONAL HARBOR, MD—A few minutes into his CPAC speech Friday, esteemed and honest president Donald J. Trump said people were so excited to hear him speak that, “There are lines that go back six blocks. I tell you that because you won’t read about it.” → Read More

The Land of the Free: A Look Inside CPAC's Swag Room

NATIONAL HARBOR, M.D.—Deep in the bowels of the Gaylord Hotel and Convention Center in National Harbor, where CPAC is holding its annual conference, is a special room. It’s called the swag room. It has an anti-abortion van, and everything except the Ronald Reagan knee socks are free—even the Sheriff David Clarke chapstick. → Read More

Liveblogging From Inside the Beast--It's Day 1 of CPAC

The Conservative Political Action Conference—a sort of conservative cosplay event where women in red sheath dresses and men in their finest khakis gather to say rude things about liberals—officially began Thursday morning. Sebastian Gorka, who may not be a national security expert but certainly plays one on TV, is wandering around talking to randoms, and Ken Bone has his own booth on radio row.… → Read More

Donald Trump Personally Pressured Betsy DeVos Into Fucking Over Transgender Students

Esteemed President Donald J. Trump reportedly joined Attorney General Jeff Sessions in personally pressuring Education Secretary Betsy DeVos into a new policy that will prevent transgender high school students from using the bathrooms of their choice. → Read More

Finland Has a Very Good Boy

On Wednesday February 22, it was brought to my attention that the president of Finland keeps as his companion a Boston Terrier named Lennu. But as a journalist and arbiter of the truth, I couldn’t just accept the information at face value—I had to see for myself. Just how good of a boy is Lennu, and who kept his stupid adorable little face a secret from me for so long? Starting on this journey,… → Read More

Trump Forced Chris Christie to Eat Meatloaf in Front of Him on Valentines Day

What did you do on Valentines Day? Because I’ll tell you what esteemed President Donald J. Trump did, he forced Chris Christie to eat a hunk of meatloaf in front of him and made his wife watch the whole thing. → Read More

Where Are the Rich Expected to Figure Skate Now?

Students at Dalton, one of (but not the best) private high schools in New York City, reportedly will not be allowed to hold their annual ice skating party this year because Donald Trump’s name is plastered all over the rink. What’s an Upper East Side kid to do?? → Read More

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson Is Working Remotely From a German Sanitarium

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson is in Bonn, Germany for the G-20 Summit, where he’s reportedly sleeping, eating and doing diplomacy at a sanitarium 30 minutes outside the city, a hotspot hospital featuring “elderly people in wheelchairs arriving for spa treatments.” → Read More

Donald Trump Lists All the Jewish People He Knows in Presser With Israeli PM

On Wednesday, Donald Trump, with Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu by his side, addressed the (in the words of one reporter present) “sharp rise in anti-Semitic incidents” in the US, and discussed those in his administration who are “playing with xenophobia and maybe racist tones.” → Read More

Trump Tried and Failed to Pull His Strange Trademark Handshake on Justin Trudeau

Esteemed president Donald J. Trump met for the first time with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau on Monday. At the meeting, Trump, video shows, tried to pull his trademark unsettling handshake on Trudeau, but ultimately failed in the “endeavour.” Here’s hoping their negotiations go better. → Read More

President Trump Bestows Deeply Uncomfortable Handshake on Japanese Prime Minister

President Trump today bestowed on Japanese Prime Minister Shinzō Abe to the “very famous White House” with a 30-second long, deeply uncomfortable handshake, which the PM was visibly relieved to have end. → Read More

Betsy DeVos Turned Away From School by Protesters Yelling 'Shame'

Woefully unqualified but nonetheless Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos was forcibly turned away by protesters Friday when she attempted to enter a DC middle school, though the school’s relief was short-lived—according to reports, she eventually made it inside through a different door. → Read More

Guess Which Talk Show the President Watched This Morning

This morning, esteemed leader of the free world Donald Trump tweeted something about LAWFARE. Let’s not pretend he came up with it himself. Where on television did he learn about LawfareBlog.com? → Read More