Carl Hiaasen, The Miami Herald

Carl Hiaasen

The Miami Herald

Florida, United States

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Recent:
  • The Miami Herald
  • TCPalm
Past:
  • Tallahassee Democrat
  • limanews
  • Bradenton Herald
  • Lexington Herald-Leader
  • Durham Herald-Sun
  • The Tribune
  • OnlineAthens feed
  • newsobserver.com
  • News Democrat
  • Naples Daily News
  • and more…

Recent articles by Carl:

It’s much too early to pay attention to the race for president. Think wharf rats

Self-help guru Marianne Williamson doesn’t have a chance. And nobody is going to elect someone named Hickenlooper president. Bill De Blasio, Andrew Yang, Eric Swalwell and Tulsi Gabbard should drop out of the race, too → Read More

Virgin's Brightline train dreams are going to be derailed

Alas, poor Sir Richard. You have come to a place that's famous for making smart guys look stupid. → Read More

Virgin’s Brightline train dreams are going to be derailed

Richard Branson is investing actual money in the crazy plan to run a high-speed train from downtown Miami to the Orlando airport via Cocoa, of all places. → Read More

Parkland deputy who failed to confront school shooter must be haunted by decision

Scot Peterson has said he didn’t go into the building because he thought the sniper was outside, firing at people. That contradicts other first-hand accounts, and prosecutors say the deputy was duty-bound to advance toward the gunshots. → Read More

If a woman named ‘Bingbing’ isn’t enough for movie deal, what is?

Chinese nationals, including Cindy Yang, who owns the Palm Beach day spa where Patriots owner Robert Kraft allegedly had sex with prostitutes, might have illegally funneled funds to Donald Trump’s campaign. → Read More

'Geez, was I ever as bad as this guy?!' 'No, Mr. Nixon, of course not . . .'

On TV, the mortal president began to fulminate, veering from one random topic to another. On it went. → Read More

‘Geez, was I ever as bad as this guy?!’ ‘No, Mr. Nixon, of course not . . .’

Carl Hiaasen imagines President Nixon asking about Trump: “Is he insane, or is this just an act?” → Read More

Apparently, DeSantis is not the environmentalist we thought he was

An extravagant road-building package approved by the Florida Legislature and sent to the governor promised to answer one big question that’s been hanging over Tallahassee: → Read More

Teachers with guns only makes sense to lawmakers who have lost their minds

From the What-Could-Possibly-Go-Wrong? Department. → Read More

Teachers with guns only makes sense to lawmakers who have lost their minds

Carl Hiaasen says that Republicans’ fantasy scenario is a social studies teacher-turned-marksman, coolly whipping out his Glock and taking down an active shooter. Guess again. → Read More

Forget impeachment — there’s a better way to get Donald Trump out of office

The House of Representatives could easily vote for articles of impeachment, but the Republican-controlled Senate will never convict Donald Trump. A better way to get him out of office is to vote him out, columnist Carl Hiaasen says. → Read More

Please — PLEASE — blur the Robert Kraft day-spa videos

The male body doesn't improve with age, and at 77 there isn't a man alive who still looks like Orlando Bloom. → Read More

Please — PLEASE — blur the Robert Kraft day-spa videos

The male body doesn’t improve with age, and at 77 there isn’t a man alive who still looks like Orlando Bloom. → Read More

‘Just pig out at the Mar-a-Lago buffet table. They’ll never know you’re a spy’

Urgent update to Foreign Spy Manual, post-Obama Edition: “Revised List of Tips for Infiltrating Presidential Vacation Retreats.” Please read, memorize and burn: → Read More

‘Just pig out at the Mar-a-Lago buffet table. They’ll never know you’re a spy’

Carl Hiaasen has some updated instructions for those cozying up to President Trump with ill intent. → Read More

When mass-shooting conspiracy theorists go low, they then go even lower

Once again, a cross-country slime trail leads to Florida. → Read More

Hmmm. Imagine if Obama hadn’t been such a boy scout

Carl Hiaasen wonders: “What if Barack Obama had been more like Donald Trump?” → Read More

When it comes to sex, men’s ‘stupid’ gene is old and enduring

Patriots’ owner Robert Kraft and many of the others say they’re innocent of soliciting prostitution.. Investigators say there are graphic videotapes, which all of America should be trying not to imagine. → Read More

Carl Hiaasen: Pope Francis must confront parishioners’ pain — and the priests who inflict it — with resolve

In a meeting that should have been held decades ago, Pope Francis last week convened Roman Catholic leaders at the Vatican and called for “concrete a → Read More

Pope Francis must confront parishioners’ pain — and the priests who inflict it — with resolve

Carl Hiaasen writes, God forbid that an archbishop might actually call the cops, which is what most decent humans would do if they knew a child was being sexually molested. → Read More