Dan Savage, Portland Mercury

Dan Savage

Portland Mercury

Seattle, WA, United States

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Past articles by Dan:

Savage Live: Quickies

1. You suggested stocking up on abortion pills NOW for friends in the future because they could wind up being banned. I naively thought a ban would never happen. Now, as you probably know, it's on the verge of being banned nationwide any day due to the lawsuit in Texas. It looks like I'd need to go to a doctor to get them and I don’t want to have to lie about needing them. Is... → Read More

Savage Love: Pegged As Bi

My boyfriend of six months wants to try pegging and I’m down. But he wants “the whole experience,” which means sucking the dildo too. That raises a red flag for me. I know how this sounds before I even ask, so please forgive me if this question is insensitive. But does his desire to suck on the dildo indicate gay or bi tendencies? He says he’s not attracted to men, but he will sometimes make... → Read More

Savage Love: Kant Say No

Let’s say you’re a younger gay guy who’s been doing ethical FinDom (financial domination) for a few years and you’re good at it and you feel good about doing it because you take reasonable amounts of money, aka “tribute,” from your finsubs and you give value in return. In my case, I share sexy text messages, pics, and do meet ups with subs who’ve earned my trust. And let’s say one of your… → Read More

Savage Love: Dom Vibes

I’m a woman who married young (21) and I’ve been with my husband for seven years. Within the last year, I’ve realized that my falling libido probably comes from the fact that I am not turned-on by our boring vanilla sex routine. I get so little fulfillment that I’d rather not even do it. I’ve tried talking to him, but he says he prefers sex without foreplay or a lot of “complicated stuff.” I… → Read More

Savage Love: The Uncanny Valley

Dear Readers: A lot of professional writers are freaking out about ChatGPT. ChatGPT is an artificial intelligence chatbot created by the OpenAI foundation that can generate essays, novels, screenplays—any kind of writing—faster than living/breathing/typing/revising human beings ever could. What’s more, enter the name of any writer, living or dead, and within seconds ChatGPT can spit out an essay… → Read More

Savage Love: Quickies

How long after a divorce does someone become “emotionally available” for a new relationship? Someone who initiated a divorce—someone who made up their mind, got a lawyer, and filed the paperwork—is probably going to be “emotionally available” a little sooner than someone who was blindsided when their spouse “asked” for a divorce. (It’s not really an “ask,” since you don’t need someone’s… → Read More

Savage Love: Getting It

When I first got engaged to my wife, I tried to ease into a conversation about cuckolding, but it went poorly. I tried to broach the subject by telling her monogamy wasn’t a requirement for me and she got upset. She thought I wanted to have sex with other women. I do not. I reassured her of that fact and dropped the subject, but she still doesn’t believe me. Whenever she’s feeling insecure, she… → Read More


I recently split from a committed, monogamous, extremely long-term relationship. I'm now exploring the dating scene as someone who has never dated online prior to this year. I’m a woman with kids, and I'm not looking for another parent. I want to keep things casual. I haven't had any boyfriends yet, just a couple of regular dicks. I keep getting pissed at my regular dicks for making me feel like… → Read More

Savage Love: Ace Case

Dear Savage Love Readers, This is the “Mini” Savage Love. You’ll find the Mini column here every week—at least one great question, a (hopefully) great answer from me. To read the “Maxi” Savage Love—the full, unabridged column, with more Qs and more As—please subscribe at Savage.Love. Magnum Subs get the full column and archives and the extra-long Magnum Savage Lovecast, plus bonus podcasts and… → Read More

Savage Love: A Gay Friend Has Been Giving Me Occasional Blowjobs. Am I Using Him?

Dear Readers: I’m away this week, so we’re re-running a popular Q&A from a few years back. → Read More

Savage Love: My Husband Secretly Got Vaccinated for Monkeypox. Is He Cheating On Me?

Dear “Savage Love” Readers: After Nov. 14 my website Savage.Love will become the exclusive online home for my column. → Read More

Savage Love: Can Someone Be Homosexual and Asexual?

Can someone be both homosexual and asexual? → Read More

Savage Love: My Wife Was Sexually Assaulted in Her Past. How Can I Safely Introduce BDSM Into Our Sex Life?

I'm a 31-year-old cis man married to a 33-year-old non-binary partner, and our relationship has always been very vanilla. Over the past few years, I’ve discovered that I'm a kinky person, with a particular interest in both domination and submission. → Read More

Savage Love: Knots Landing

I'm a 31-year-old cis man married to a 33-year-old non-binary partner, and our relationship has always been very vanilla. Over the past few years, I’ve discovered that I'm a kinky person, with a particular interest in both domination and submission. It took me a long time to summon the courage to bring this up with my spouse, as they have a cocktail of factors that could complicate play around… → Read More

Savage Love: I'm Tired of Being Treated Like a Gay Black Fantasy Come to Life

There is more to this week’s Savage Love. → Read More

Savage Love: Fair Shares

There is more to this week’s Savage Love. To read the entire column, go to Savage.Love. 42-year-old dad here. I’ve been married for 12 years, and my marriage has been somewhat turbulent. But after some affairs—one where my wife screwed my best friend—and therapy, we reconnected, righted ourselves, and started a wonderful family. We both identify as bisexual now, and we are ethically… → Read More

The ass ceiling

An untouchable butt, NPR during sex, and more quickies → Read More

Savage Love: My Straight Boyfriend Sent His Male Friend Nudes and Says This Is Just Something Dudes Do?

Am I crazy or is this guy something more than a friend? → Read More

Savage Love: Police States

If your straight boyfriend sent his straight male friend messages about how much he admires his cock, does that guy count as an ex?! Dan unpacks it all and argues for the dissolution of this relationship police state. → Read More

Savage Love: Teacher in a small town craves cunnilingus

Dan offers some advice on where she might find it. → Read More